LBN E-Newsletter February 15, 2011

When working at being an effective communicator you need to learn to ask questions – the right questions. Whether teaching believers the basic doctrines of the Christian faith or preaching the Gospel of salvation and the Kingdom to non-believers – asking the right questions is the key today in a society where we are bombarded with information and words constantly.

The truth is: When you want to deliver the right answers, ask good questions.

We have made a wrong assumption. “We assume that powerful communicators deliver statements, assertions, and well-worded claims. They are continually declaring, alleging, pronouncing, affirming …anything but asking.” (Jedd Medefind). The reason is that questions release control of the thinking process. They seem to place the listener in the driver’s seat. And, we assume then that we can no longer communicate what we want to or need to communicate if we are not in control. Wrong!

Jules Verne in a favourite story / movie of mine (Journey to the Center of the Earth) wrote: “Once the question mark has arisen in the human brain the answer must be found, if it takes a hundred years. A thousand years.”

Jesus, the self-proclaimed answer – asked questions. And, when He did, something remarkable happened in people’s hearts and minds. The Gospels, which record only a fraction of all Jesus said and did, contain more than one hundred and fifty questions asked by Jesus. That’s not exactly what you would expect from someone who claimed to be the answer. Jesus’ questions invited others to participate in the activity of discovery, to take hold of truth for themselves. He understood that when an idea is imposed, however reasonable it might be, it is rarely held for long because it has not been owned by the listener. Ownership happens when the listener is personally involved in discovering the answer to the question for themselves.

Consider just a few of the questions Jesus asked:

• Who do you say that I am?
  
• What do you want me to do for you?
• Why do you call me good?
• What were you arguing about on the road?
  
• How many loaves do you have?

These are straightforward, everyday questions and Jesus may have known the answers ahead of time. Each one, however, goes deeper than might appear at first glance. They delve into murky corners where confusion, fear, and secrecy dwell, exposing them to the light of honesty, truth, and discovery. Jesus’ questions “invited listeners to embark on a search, candle in hand, rummaging through the attic of their minds (and hearts) for an adequate answer.” ( Erik Lokkesmoe).

As you look at the many questions that Jesus asked you come to see a number of qualities about His questions and thus His approach to communications.

The questions Jesus asked were first of all sincere

To ask questions that are sincere you need to be interested in and care about what the person listening really thinks, what their response will be. What the listener thinks and feels must really matter to you! Jesus asked questions – not just to confuse them or make a point or demonstrate how clever He was but because He wanted to hear what other thought and because He cared about their feelings.

The questions Jesus asked always attuned to the uniqueness of each situation

Effective question-asking requires a sensitivity to what is occurring at the moment and also involves a judgment call – you need to determine if it is the right time and the right place to ask the question; in other words, is the person open to receive the question. So, you will need to have genuine attentiveness if you hope to have effective inquiries as Jesus did.

Jesus consistently did this. His questions mixed naturally with the discussion at hand, frequently flowing out of the events unfolding at the time; a dispute among His disciples, a hungry crowd, a verbal attack from the religious authorities. He often asked questions aimed at subtle attitudes or sub-plots that busy people would not even have noticed. Questions fitted to the experiences and emotion of specific situations yield the best results.

The questions Jesus asked were fit to the audience

Each question you ask must show a deep awareness and thorough consideration of the audience’s beliefs and biases, background and assumptions, fears and priorities. His question about “who loved the man?” in the story of The Good Samaritan was meant to break apart centuries-old prejudices and faulty assumptions about the limits of loving one’s neighbor.

The questions Jesus asked were also decisively clarifying

They penetrated to the heart of the matter, peeling back layer after layer of what appeared to be the real issue so as to address what actually was the real issue.

“What good is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?” posed Jesus. A question like this forces self-scrutiny, a rethinking of priorities, and ultimately, a critical decision. Will temporary, external things like possessions and status continue to dominate life? Or will there be a reorientation of energies toward matters of eternal significance – seeking God and serving neighbors?

The questions Jesus asked provided space for the audience to decide.

Despite His passion for truth, Jesus’ communication was not manipulative or coercive. He never pushed for the hard sell. Jesus always left room for the listener’s decision-making process. In answer to John the Baptist’s question, “Are you the Christ?” Jesus did not respond with a comment about John’s doubt just before his death by the hands of the Roman authorities. Instead He instructed John’s disciple to simply go back and describe what he had seen happening in Jesus’ ministry and thus left room for John to decide for himself.

Conclusion:

This non-coercive, put-the-ball-in-their-court approach flies in the face of a “close the deal ASAP” mentality. It places itself at the mercy of the listener, and her unpredictability and slower-than-ideal processing. This is an absolute necessity if you are hoping for long-term life change. Life change is best accomplished by asking questions that are sincere, situation-specific, audience centered, and decisively clarifying, and that allow the listener to decide for themselves.

In short, questions draw others to places where new answers can be found.

If you want to make a statement, ask questions.

If you want to convince, ask questions.

If you want to honor your listeners, ask questions.

If you want to change hearts and minds for the long haul, ask questions.

And the better the questions, the more remarkable the results.

In my last article we were talking about the need to seriously connect with those you hope to be communicating with. We saw that Jesus was constantly drawing near to people, going to where they were, listening, connecting and then communicating. As well we saw that He incorporated four aspects of touching hearts in His communications – narrative, simplicity, familiarity, and concreteness.

Let’s talk this time about ‘drawing near’ as this is the first step in connecting with people. Jesus came from Heaven and “tented among us” according to John, Chapter one. He cared enough, loved enough, that He drew near. We too must do the same. Jesus became flesh – put on skin. We must be God’s love in the flesh. We must be love with skin on it. He became incarnate – we must represent the incarnation by allowing the Spirit in us to connect with those around us. God spoke to us in and through Jesus and not by some thundering voice from the heavens. The transcendent Word came within a human body, making what was distant and abstract now scandalously tangible. We must do the same.

In our homes we have windows to let light in and allow us to see the world around us. When we preach or teach, we also need to let light in and to make the truth we are teaching practical.

The challenge is to find illustrations that add to the point we are making. Some illustrations are close and can be used with a small amount of modification. Some may give a starting point to create your own story. There are also many illustration resources available.

We have heard it said that what we eat in our food diet will affect our health and how we cope with life. It is also true and what we eat in our spiritual diet will affect our spiritual health and how to cope with everyday life.

As shepherds of the sheep, we have some responsibility for the diet of the sheep. Obviously we are not exclusively responsible because each person has their own responsibility to feed on the Word of God. But when we are gathered together, it is important to consider what we are feeding the sheep.

It has become fairly commonplace to preach life coping skills and lifestyle enhancement. What I mean is that we have preached about every day life concerns and tried to be relevant. We have tried to address life and offer solutions from God's Word as people look for answers to cope with everyday life.

It wasn’t long before the mother noticed the little boy crossing into the neighbor’s yard and climbing up into the old man’s lap. He remained there for some time, sitting quietly.

When the boy returned home, his mother met him with her hands on her hips. “I told you not to bother him!” she scolded. “What were you doing?”

“I wasn’t doing anything,” the little fellow answered. “I was just helping him cry.”

Communication does not begin with words; it begins with CONNECTION. If you want to impact a person’s heart and mind, if you want to have influence you first need to CONNECT. True communication is first and foremost, about CONNECTING, coming together, the sharing of life and self, a seeking to know and be known. Communication is born as two human souls come together and touch or CONNECT. So, your task as one who stands in a pulpit week-after-week is to enter the space and the language of another.